A black cat walking in front of you might, or might not mean bad luck. It depends on whether you are a man or a mouse.

You don’t turn back when you’re exhausted. You turn back when you’re halfway to exhausted.

Every downhill ride has to be paid for by an uphill climb

It is very easy to give things away; it is very difficult to take them back.

Many of us cling to life when death would present the more logical option.

The uninformed are uninformed because they don’t want to be informed.

I’m old enough that the offer of a longer warranty on a product doesn’t make the product more attractive.

It would be easier to adapt to climate change than to change the climate.

If there isn’t really a Hell, there should be.

Life would be easier without a dog, but not nearly as rewarding.

The definition of insanity is playing golf over and over again and expecting a different result.

Practice a skill for a half hour a day, every day, and you will become mediocre at that skill.

A rude, overbearing, condescending rancher on the Argentine grasslands can either be a pompous ass, or a Pampas ass.

There is no perfect climate anywhere, not even in San Diego.

People are best governed by those who least want to govern.

I hope I can live a life of sufficient virtue that after I die, I will go wherever my dogs went.

Sometimes when you see how far you have yet to go, it’s helpful to look back and see how far you’ve come.

Medical record privacy laws don’t work in small towns.

The computer “help” tab can answer any question except yours.

Every boy should have a dog, and every dog should have a boy.

It’s easy to spend other people’s money. Ask any congressperson.

The first day of Spring is the first day you can put clothes out on the line.

Old age is learning to check if you are wearing your reading glasses before you go looking for them.

If you have to pay shipping and handling, it ain’t free.

All deaths are sudden.

The best way to get something done is to get started.

Regarding the teaching of history, we can’t tell how good we’ve become unless we learn how bad we were.

You don’t appreciate the value of your eyes until you’ve lost one.

Hell is a bureaucracy.

Dogs like to lead even if they don’t know where they’re going.

There’s nothing attractive you can do with a used tire.

No amount of landscaping can make a mobile home park look like anything other than a mobile home park.

Up in the mountains, we spend summer preparing for winter, and we spend winter waiting for summer.

If I had all the time back I spent looking for something I had just set down, I would live to be 186 years old.

You keep talking about the wonderful character traits of dogs. Don’t you realize how easily dogs can be bribed?

Freshly fallen snow is very pretty … until you have to shovel it.

Anything you do carelessly today you probably will have to do over tomorrow.

96 percent of the laws are written because of the actions of 4 percent of the people.

Some people are never happy unless they are making those around them unhappy.

Apparently, the only people who can’t hear the neighborhood dog barking are the dog’s owners.

If you do most of your traveling on the interstates, you won’t see much of the country.

It’s easy to stick someone else’s neck out.

Dogs, flowers, and beautiful horses: just looking at them cheers you up.

When I’m asked if I can prove the existence of God, I say no, but I can readily prove the existence of Good and Evil. And isn’t it interesting that if you remove one letter from Good, you come up with God. And if you add one letter to Evil, you come up with Devil.

Educate yourself. The more you know, the less you don’t know.

There are always two or three steps you have to take before you take the step you want to take.

In matters of policy, it is easier to speak with one voice when only one voice is speaking.

You can save more time later by taking more time now.

Bachelor tip: Select flooring that doesn’t show dirt. If you can’t see the dirt, it’s not there.

Don’t ever buy clothes with the expectation you’ll be losing weight.

Bachelor tip No. 2: The time to change the wash water in the sink is when it appears washing your dishes in that water might be more of a health hazard than not washing them at all.

Be kind to the help, unless you don’t need any help.

If you have nothing to say, say nothing.

Part of being a leader is knowing whom to lead.

Don’t lose what you can never replace.

If at the end of your life, the difference between reward and punishment depends on the testimony of every individual you have ever encountered, living or dead, how will you fare?

Depressed? Go watch a pen of baby goats for a half hour.

Blessed be the parents who teach their children how to think, not what to think.

It doesn’t matter as much what you do at the beginning as what you do at the end.

True retirement is when you only need to know approximately what day it is.

Worrying about it won’t fix it.

Nobody knows everything about anything.

Some people would rather spend money than spend energy.

If you walk all the time with your head down, you won’t stumble much, but you’ll miss a lot of the scenery.

Soldiers win empires. Engineers keep them.

Questions are good, but only if you ask good questions.

The purpose of a vehicle’s turn indicator is to inform those around about what you’re going to do, not what you just did.

One part of getting older is that when you get to where you’re going, you hope you remember why you went there.

We shouldn’t display mementoes we haven’t earned.

No beer until the chain saws are put away.

Some people’s weeds are some people’s flowers.

It bothers me that I live in a nation where a man can make a fortune by inventing and marketing a product that plumps lips.

Eating healthy is simply knowing the difference between what’s good and what’s good for you.

There is no background check known to man that can tell us what an individual is going to do.

I asked my dog where she wanted to go today. She replied, “With you.”

I like to look at my life as a body of work that will be graded at the end. The question is, graded by whom?

A dog can make you laugh every day of your life, but make you cry on only one day.

There is no future in doing the same thing the same way all the time.

Those who choose not to listen also choose not to learn.

Don’t presume to instruct someone unless they ask for instruction.

My social life has been reduced by age to the occasional butt call.

Sometimes you have to just keep on walking even if there’s a pebble in your boot.

The ultimate implementation of the government’s power to license is the grant of a revocable license to live.

We don’t need a book or a movie to tell us what a dog’s purpose is. A dog’s purpose is to cheer us up; it’s that simple.

If there’s time to think things over, do that.

Don’t expect too much from your friends … or too little.

Don’t ever tell tell a stranger in your neighborhood that your dog doesn’t bite.

It’s hard to be a liar in a small town; it’s easy in a big city.

Time goes by more slowly when you’re doing something that you have to do rather than something you want to do.

The sooner you do it, the sooner it’s done.

It might be just a little step towards your ultimate goal, but each step, no matter how small, takes you closer.

Just before I die, I’ll at least have the comforting thought that I am about to learn what, if anything, comes next.

There is no right side or wrong side of history. There is just history.

The authority to license gives the authorities the power to control.

No matter how steep the climb, every mountain has another side.

It’s hard to get someone to do something well when they don’t like what they’re doing.

Give me immortality, or give me death!

I don’t delete deceased people from my phone’s contact list. The continued presence of their names helps me remember what good people and fine friends they were.