A couple in Georgia who were banned from naming their daughter Allah are taking legal action. They wanted to name their daughter ZalyKha Graceful Lorraina Allah despite the risk of the girl being called “My Gal Zal” throughout her school career. They have another child they named Masterful Mosirah Aly Allah. I can just see Masterful at the DMV office. “Could you please spell that for me again, Mr. Allah?” His life is going to be more difficult than a boy named Sue.
Thieves broke into the German capital’s Bode Museum before dawn Monday and made off with a massive 100-kilogram (221-pound) gold coin worth millions of dollars. The coin was in the Guinness Book of Records as the most difficult coin in the world to flip.
Scientists in Massachusetts have converted a spinach leaf into a tiny, beating human heart muscle. Isn’t turning spinach into muscle what Popeye the Sailor Man did?
NASA’s Hubble Telescope has discovered a super-massive black hole moving through space at 5 million mph. Who knew the Hubble had a radar gun?
Another self-driving car was involved in an accident recently, but apparently it wasn’t the car’s fault. Another vehicle failed to yield, knocking the computer car on its side. The car is now suing the offending vehicle.
North Korea’s nutbar leader Kim Jung-Un has a little work to do before he can launch missiles at America. His last rocket attained a height of 45 feet when it exploded.
The headline said: “Sperm count via smartphone? Yes, it’s the thing.” Okay, that’s going to stop me from ever buying a used smart phone.
A new study indicates dinosaurs might have originated in an area now known as Britain. The first clue was many of the fossil dinosaurs studied had bad teeth.
The U.S. House passed bills repealing ObamaCare 61 times. Why can’t they do it now?
All eyes are on April the giraffe, or at least the eyes of really tall people are on April. She’s pregnant with a calf sired by Oliver. However, giraffe bulls take no part in child rearing. They are content to simply pay child support. This is all taking place in New York at a place called Giraffic Park.
A cobra escaped from a home in Ocala, Florida. You might be wondering what a cobra was doing in a residence, but it apparently was there to deter robbers. Would you enter a home that had a sign on the door that said, “Beware of Cobra?”
A team of sled dogs pulled a tourist in Alaska out of a snow bank, something this team had never done before. So I guess you can teach cold dogs new tricks.
Top U.S. doctors say climate change is making us sick, which is too bad because the climate is always changing. That would be one reason to go back to the moon because the climate never changes there.
Spiders, a study tells us, eat 880 million tons of insects per year. Spiders riding motorcycles eat more insects than spiders that drive cars. It was a government-funded study.
I bought a captain’s chair to help with my ab workouts. Put in its full recline position, the chair is perfect for crunches. I call it the captain crunch. It’s most effective when I do serial reps.
The headline said: “Trump’s choice for FDA has ties to drug makers.” So a fellow who knows a lot about drugs might head up the Food and Drug Administration. Who could’ve seen that coming?
The two-year surge in carbon concentrations that took place in 2015 and 2016 has no precedent in the 59 years in which the agency has been tracking the level of CO2 in the atmosphere. To put that in perspective, 59 years represents 0.00000001475 of the planet’s climate history, so this should be cause for concern?
According to a recent poll, 51 percent of voters between 18 and 29 years no longer support capitalism. Yes they do. They support capitalism every time they buy a shirt or a cup of coffee.
We’ve had a day without immigrants, and a day without women. Could we have a day without lawyers? How about a day without commercials? A day without tweets?
Linwood Fiedler, a veteran of the Iditarod sled dog race, brought new meaning to falling asleep at the wheel. He fell asleep at the sled. Fiedler dozed off and fell of his sled while his dogs ran on and finished the race leg without him. “Doggone,” he was heard to comment from the snow.
Yahoo News (God, I love that name) reported about the Women’s March and the Day Without Women, and that “neither of these protests were explicitly focused on Trump.” That ran right above a photograph of a marcher carrying a sign that said, “Abort Trump.”
From the quote barrel: Cate Blanchette said, “My moral compass is in my vagina.” I guess a good analogy to explain that, if it can be explained, is a man saying he thinks with his little head and not the big one.
There were three headlines in the Science section Sunday. Over one story, scientists where stunned. Over another, they were shocked. Over another, they were astonished. This makes me nervous. I’d like scientists who are investigating the forces of nature to say after a discovery, “Well, that’s what we expected.”
The Washington Post had another hit piece about President Donald Trump today. Oh wait, that’s not news. They have a hit piece about Trump every day.
There are now four TV shows about life in Chicago – Chicago Fire, Chicago P.D., Chicago Med and Chicago Hope. They need one more: Chicago Murder, in which the criminal justice system fails to solve murder cases on a weekly basis.
North Korea has suggested that Kim Jung Nam, who is widely believed to have been assassinated in Malaysia, died of heart failure. Kim Jung Nam was the dear leader’s half brother and international playboy. Saying he died of heart failure is a bit like a coroner concluding that heart failure was the proximate cause of death even if it was caused by a bullet.
Boy, I hope I don’t get prosecuted. There some Russian students working as servers in a local restaurant, and I spoke to them! Apparently, anyone who talked to a Russian in the last six months committed treason.
Is it just me, or is Oprah Winfrey going to need a bigger chair?
A newly-born giraffe at the Maryland Zoo needs a name. How ’bout “Spot?”
NASA will plunk down $373.5 million for five seats on future trips to the International Space Station aboard a Russian Soyuz rocket. The good news is NASA will accumulate additional frequent flyer points. The bad news is those points have to be redeemed in Russia.
After giving an Oscar to the wrong movie than taking it back, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts will be dropping “academy” from its name.
So on a “Day Without Immigrants,” what happened at businesses owned by immigrants? Did the owners not show up?
A race between two self-driving cars in Brazil ended when one of the cars ran into a wall at 100 mph. Officials later found alcohol in the fuel.
Heavily indebted Mongolia has agreed to a $1.5 billion bailout from the IMF. That money will be added to the Mongol hoard.
A Democrat member of he Federal Elections Commission announced she will resign because she is frustrated with the 3-3 deadlock on the panel, which is composed of three Democrats and three Republicans. Well, that’ll solve the problem. Her replacement will be appointed by President Trump.
You don’t hear many Californians complaining about the drought anymore. Many of them blamed the drought on global warming. Wonder what’s to blame for the current torrential rains? Or can any bad weather be blamed on “climate change?”
There was news recently from the American Bicycling Association. It came from a spokes-person.
Democrats in the Senate have invented the hissybuster. Unable by their own actions to use the filibuster, they have started speaking for 24 hours straight to delay inevitable cabinet appointments by one day. The hissybuster is like a hissy fit, but it lasts longer.
Recent high winds in the West blew over a wind turbine. Can you insure a wind turbine for wind damage?
I’m thinking of getting a new set of teeth implanted, but instead of getting the usual molars, canines and bicuspids, I’m going to get 32 wisdom teeth so I’ll be a whole lot smarter.
The Washington Post just discovered White House aide Stephen Miller was booed off the stage during a speech when he was in high school. The newspaper’s crack investigative team is now looking at Miller’s elementary school records.
Of course The New York Times isn’t biased in its coverage of Donald Trump. When one of its reporters referred to First Lady Melania Trump as a “hooker,” we are to believe that it was an expression of admiration. Oh, and that picture of presidential aide Stephen Miller’s decapitated head on a spike was merely hyperbole.
A fertility clinic in the Netherlands admitted recently that it may have mixed old sperm with new sperm. The mistake was discovered when one of the clinic’s clients gave birth to a 72-year-old man.
You know you may have been single for too long when the only message you get on Valentine’s Day is an automated greeting from Facebook.
In a brilliant scoop, The Washington Post disclosed that the Department of Education misspelled a famous person’s name in a tweet. Somebody misspelled something in a tweet? Astounding.
NASA has announced plans to drill through the crust of Europa, a moon orbiting Jupiter. In related news, the Standing Rock Sioux tribe has announced plans to protest the drilling.
A golfer in Florida was grabbed by an alligator as the golfer was walking by a water hazard. The golfer fended the gator off by hitting the reptile in its eye with his putter. His playing partners congratulated him on his escape, but charged him three strokes for each time he struck the alligator.
One immigration order President Trump has not issued would be the one that would prevent the immigration of Hollywood celebrities into other countries. You will recall many of them promised they would leave the U.S. if Trump got elected.
In the wake of an L.A. Times series that revealed Californians were using less electricity than a decade ago, but paying about 50 percent more, a consultant said, “California has this tradition of making astonishingly bad decisions.” The statement also could be applied to a lot of things that come out of California.
People looking for roommates to help share expenses for pricey apartments have in some cases specifically banned Trump supporters. They don’t believe that constitutes housing discrimination. Well, what if the Trump supporter is black?
There’s A Sloth Institute that looks after baby sloths that lost their moms. The Institute has active chapters at 1,396 colleges and universities in the U.S.
This Mexican entered the U.S. illegally 19 times. He was forcibly deported ten times, and left voluntarily nine times. This is what ICE refers to as an “undocumented commuter.”
Do you ever wonder why a new pickup truck costs $60,000? UAW workers employed by GM in North America will receive $12,000 each in bonuses this year under an agreement negotiated in 2011.
Police in Minnesota threatened to force anyone arrested for drunk driving on Super Bowl Sunday to watch Justin Bieber’s commercial all the way to jail. But they didn’t do that because a local court immediately determined that would be cruel and unusual punishment.
The announcer said: “So in case you’ve been living in an underground cave…” What other kind of cave is there?
Great quotes from protestors: “You know, my father fought World War II.” I thought there was more than one guy who fought in World War II, but I’ve taken history courses.
Okay, now scientists are planning a march on Washington. The theoretical physicists section will be entertained by the Fifth Dimension.
Israeli ministers have approved a bill to legalize the export of marijuana for medical use. Mexican drug lords are scratching their heads. “They need legislation to do that?” they asked.
Major League Baseball is monitoring the possible effects of immigration restrictions, but one official noted, ”As of right now the countries that have been mostly affected are not places where we have players.” The sport is not big in Muslim countries because, for example, Sharia law requires the removal of a foot for stealing a base. And, beheadings are so much more popular.